The 5 c’s of confidence
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Someone once said to me after I had delivered a talk on being assertive ‘I wish I had your confidence’ I had just completed my third ever talk and was buzzing that I had managed to get five people to my talk.

The first two talks only had one person at each event. So, I was so self-absorbed in my happiness in setting a new crowd record for my talks that I didn’t reply as I should have. I should have said ‘You have your own confidence, it is within you, you just have to know how to utilise it’ instead I said something lame like ‘You can be too’

For the next couple of days, I kept kicking myself at how I had missed an opportunity to turn that comment into a possibility for a coaching client. Then the days and weeks after that I was still consumed by his comment but not because I had missed out on a potential sale, but it started to burn inside me:

 Where does confidence come from?

I knew I was indeed confident, but I didn’t know how I came to be confident. After all, I’d spent years and years struggling with my confidence. I didn’t have it at school and I found fake confidence in my twenties from partying and all that entailed. I knew I had developed a JUST DO IT AND DON’T LIVE WITH ANY REGRETS policy. But I didn’t know how to teach someone else to become confident.

I decided I needed to find out the elements that made someone confident, so I could help others to become confident.

Confidence comes from within, it’s one of the superpowers we possess just like resilience and self-esteem.

But it won’t come alive unless we unleash it.

HOW TO BE CONFIDENT can be broken down into five key areas:


To be truly confident and live life to the fullest, you first must take on a little understanding that Confidence comes from certainty. If you are certain about something it breeds confidence. For instance, we all know how to cross the road. We are certain of the factors that involve crossing the road and we have done it so many times we are able to cross the road confidently. Most of us are so confident in crossing the road we can do it on auto pilot. So, when we don’t feel confident about something it is because we are not CERTAIN in that area.


The next step is to gain clarity. It is too easy to say ‘I am not confident’ but that is a non-specific statement, and also it is not true.

We are all confident at something even if it is turning the light switch on and off. So, saying to yourself and others ‘I am not confident’ will erode your self esteem unless you become specific. I am not confident in Maths for example gives us something to work with and on. We have to be clear on exactly what it is we lack confidence in. so BE SPECIFIC.


Now, you have gained clarity into what you want to gain confidence in, you will need to make a commitment to making a change. Make a commitment to gaining confidence. Prepare to make sacrifices. Tell your friends you are making a change in your life to improve your confidence. Set aside time to put in the effort.

Ask yourself:

What is my reason for wanting to be confident in this area?

Am I prepared to do what is necessary to achieve my goal?

What will this new found confidence give me?

 This area cannot not be stressed enough. A common reason people struggle to become confident is they underestimate the commitment needed to make a positive change in their lives. So, make a commitment to yourself.


The next step to living with confidence is to have courage. You must replace fear with courage. To do this you must LET GO OF YOUR EGO. No, I am not saying you are big headed, I would never say anything like that to you, come on now you know me better than that…don’t you? Of course, you do. Letting go of your ego is to let go of the inner critic that lives inside all of us, that little annoying voice that tells us things that are not true like ‘I can’t do it’ ‘I am useless’ ‘Everyone will talk about me’. Reframe the negative thoughts for positive ones like ‘I can and I will do this’ ‘I am fearless’ and ‘Who cares what people will say’ You will have to do this work everyday for 30 days before you see a  change and even though it might seem difficult at first keep believing what you are saying and it will happen.

You can conquer almost any fear if you will only make up your mind to do so. For remember, fear doesn’t exist anywhere except in the mind.


You will need to set yourself challenges to enable you to reach the confidence you require. In short, you need to take action!

 So, you have identified what exactly it is you are lacking confidence in. You’ve made a commitment to doing something about it.  

What challenges are you willing to undertake to move you towards your desired outcome?

Design a plan of action of what is needed to get you from where you are to where you want to be. The actions you take are called Leaning into the fear, because you are taking steps (they can be small steps) to come out of your comfort zone, moving toward the thing that has made you lack confidence and making the fears disappear.

Continue with all these steps until you have mastered the art. This is where confidence comes from when you practice, learn and master the art leaving you with confidence and certainty.

Source: Linkedin